Love is...

Love is...
Patience, passion, and trust
Sweet kisses with a little lust
Jealousy is a guarantee
Sadness will wear on me

Love is...
Impossible to count on
Difficult to find
True love is rare love
And requires precious time

Love is...
Beautifully spontaneous
All at once, overwhelming
You'll question it's purpose
And eventual belonging

Love is...
Saddened by the day
And doesn't like to be bound
If it's lied to
It won't stick around

Love is...
Invisible
Powerful
And exists...
Only as the soft glow between two,
Me and you
It's always a day late,
Thanks to fate
But given the opportunity
It's so worth the wait

??

Oh what are we to do?

Us passionate people...when we are sad and low....and the only person who can make us feel any kind of happiness again....is the only person who feels ten times worse than we do.

What are we to do?

But wait for a hand of comfort...to reach into our darkened lives...and stroke the side of a sad, wet face

I'm so lost
I'm so gone...

Selfish

I find it so hard to believe that people are filled with enough selfish views that they would be willing to take advantage of a friend, but I'm finding it more true everyday.

There is a friend of someone close to me that I have tried very hard to like and made an effort in being polite to them. Just when they start to inspire the smallest amount of trust in me I find this person burned by their friend's self-centered ways. It just seems like every favor they do for someone or every kind act is hiding something much uglier that will eventually benefit themselves.

I have LIVED with someone like this and I have to say, it's a very hurtful and distrusting road. You learn that you can't trust everyone and not everybody has the same goals as you.

Some people are trying to reach out to people around them while others are looking for people to latch onto. Some people are trying to better their own lives in the long run while still doing something for their community while others want to find the fastest way to money, fame, and whatever else the center of the heart truly desires for the moment.

It all makes no sense to me, but I truly care about this person so I will be keeping my mouth shut until I'm needed to pick up the pieces...

Yay!!!

It's finally here...that's right....

I'm all done with finals! Woo hoo!

It's been a tough first term back between working full time, moving, family problems, and holidays. I'm so happy that I stuck it out and so so very excited to get started on next term. After a short break of course.

Thanks to everyone who encouraged me and knew I could do it:) (Mom, Dad, Sharna, Jason, Kay I love you all)

Hope everyone is having the great, although rainy, day that I am having!

Now it's time to go home and celebrate:)

Insignificant

I feel so...unnecessary. So unnoticed.

Like no one cares or wants to care today.

I woke up to dousing rain in a warm bed. One of those mornings where I should have known better than to open my eyes and begin fulfilling my responsiblities.

Two of the closest people to me didn't care to be in my company before my eight hour shift of hell. I suppose it's normal for everyone to feel unappreciated and simply overlooked every once in a while but it also seems so unfair.

Then I take a step back and examine my own actions and how they may or may not come off as unappreciative. How come I am allowed to be critical of the ones I love?

After all...they are human.

Bare in mind, the smallest gesture of compassion usually has the biggest impact.

So close!

I'm at school...again. Only ONE DAY LEFT.

I did pretty well on my presentation for Global Health on Tuesday and everyone in Photojournalism seemed to like my pictures for the final(six pictures that tell a story).

Now all I have to do is turn in my journal, take some notes for the written final, and then it's off to get Jason so we can finish moving. It's funny, it's technically my weekend but it doesn't feel like a weekend at all. And somehow EVERYDAY that I go to school I see the van that delivers stuff to my work(Cafe Yumm) and I gotta tell ya, it ruins my mood!

Speaking of Cafe Yumm they changed their hours so we will be getting cut quite a bit. I talked to my boss and she is willing to work with me on the hours but I also told her I might just need to get a second job.

Got some wonderful news about Jason's uncle yesterday. For those of you who don't know he is in very serious condition and currently in a coma but is making small steps of progress everyday. I found out at work yesterday that Jason's Uncle Ty actually smiled at his Aunt and looked right at her. She was so excited and happy and I knew I had to tell Jason. He was moved to a few pathetic tears and my mood was completely uplifted. I love seeing him happy and I love giving him good news, he deserves it:)

Other than that I am ready for winter break, Christmas festivities, and settling into the new apartment for the long winter ahead.

Sometimes...

I'm sitting at school waiting for the minutes to drip by.

I have finals in BOTH of my classes due today and then it's off to work...I'm so very nervous.

Which is probly why I am at school an hour and half early and yet I don't know what to do with myself. I just want a little time off to decompress and catch up on my sleep.

It's been a rough first term back but the finish line is in sight.

I need a hug, and maybe some ear warmers.

Oh well, they have my favorite coffee here, and things can't be great all the time, and sometimes life just isn't fair....

Happy Thanksgiving

Oh Thanksgiving, where I hang out with my family all day just to eat for 20 minutes. Where I see relatives that I only see once a year as we scrounge up things to talk about. Football is a must while pictures are out of the question.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I just feel like no one gets me...and they probly never will.

I just want my Jason back. I want to be in Eugene in our little home and I want to nestle in his arms and kiss his neck and have everything be the way it was.

I want to watch whatever is on our two pathetic, static-filled channels and play chess over a crappy beer.

I want to make a large dinner of Top Ramen and water and whatever else is in the kitchen and talk about how good we are going to have it someday...

Life is too short to live someway to please someone else. You need to do what will make you happy. Otherwise nothing will ever be worth it...

A New Day

I'm feeling a lot better today. Could be the fact that I'm not at work or it could be the fact that I'm sipping on a Henry Weinhard's Blue Boar(my favorite). All I know is my cold is slowing disappearing, and the house smells like pumpkin pie.

My heartstrings are still getting tugged on by all that awaits me when I get back to Eugene, but for now I don't want to think about it.

Jason and his family are most likely coming back up tomorrow. They have been down in San Francisco under some very tragic circumstances so my parents and I invited them to the house for Thanksgiving dinner. Me and Jason's parents have yet to meet, but given the recent events that plague us all it should be a piece of cake. I really hope they come, they could use a night off...

I've never been so happy to be home and I don't really want to go all the way back to Eugene tomorrow. Money is tight, work sucks, school is almost over which means finals, and we still have to finish moving. I'm just a little worn out...

Oh well, Thanksgiving is tomorrow which means good food, and lots of laughs.

Hope everyone has a good one!

~Kylie

It's Been A Hard Day's Night

There's a ringing in my ears, no...wait, it's more like a buzz. A kind of numbing cotton drop that's bouncing around in my head. So much information is flying at me. Good news, bad news, nothing is ever just news anymore, and I'm not entirely sure what to do with it all.
Store it in my head? Well there's just not enough room in there for that...

Oh geez, I'm just so sad, overwhelmed, excited, and scared. I feel as though my life is taking me for a ride and I'm no longer in control...

Plus to make all the stress a little more hazy, I'm sick. Not pukey, fever, chicken broth sick, nah just a particularly nasty head cold. My head feels like it's in a vice and they're trying to make the ends touch.

On a happier note, I have TWO A's in BOTH of my classes! I was so freaking proud of myself!

We also went and saw BAYSIDE last night and had a wonderful time, but it all seemed to be a little spoiled by all the sad events that Jason and I are trapped in. I will post an entire blog about it but certainly not on four hours of sleep at 1:30AM.

Well I think I've worn my heart on my sleeve enough for one post, good night all.

~Kylie