Time to relieve some stress!

So this has been one of the most difficult, stressful, and busy terms I have had yet. I have been working at the magazine on Monday and Wednesday mornings(and many other free days), going to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, working til 9 and 10 on Mondays Tuesdays and Wednesdays, trying to get homework done and still find time to boost our social life.

I have let myself get far too stressed out which has a negative affect on the rest of my life. It is time to do something about it so here is my plan.

Everyday I will:
Find ten minutes to meditate and ten minutes to stretch or do some yoga
Floss
Take ten minutes simply sitting with Jason and talking about our days
Write three journal pages
Eating at least three meals

Every week I will:
Take one long walk
Snap some photos
Read something for pleasure
Do one exercise routine
Blog
Go on a date with Jason
Have a beer with friends for an evening

I am already beginning to feel better and realizing that everything cannot go perfectly all the time.
I must learn to not hold my friends to such high standards and to reach out to friends I haven't seen in awhile.
I have to begin appreciating myself and embracing all the things that make me me!

Three things I did well today:
Meditate
Cleaned my apartment
Relaxed

Three important things I will do tomorrow:
Study for my midterm
Try harder at work
Make the magazine proud!

A Dog's Prayer

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer use to bitter elements. I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though you had no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my God and I am your devoted worshiper.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I would not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.

And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me a merciful eternal rest - and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.....

-Annonymous

This was found on an animal control website for Lane County as I searched for statistics for my persuasive speech on animal control.

I think if dogs could speak to us this is very near what they would have to say. They are selfless creatures who feel pain, hunger, thirst, and love all in the same way we do and yet they are treated as things. In the 2008 fiscal year animal welfare officers that work for Lane County investigated over 200 dog bites and 592 cases of animal abuse and neglect. Dogs are devoted and loving creatures who deserve so much better than this. Educate yourself. And the next time our oh-so-caring city of Eugene decides that dogs don't deserve an animal shelter to reside in and wants to cut the program think of the current 56 dogs that will be homeless, the 692 dogs that won't be returned to their owner and the 540 dogs that will not be adopted. Fill your potholes with THAT Jim Torrey...

Loneliness

What is loneliness? Why do people get lonely? I think it's imprtant for every healthy person to be attached to other people socially and personally even though people are NOT perfect and will eventually let you down in some way or another. It's inevitable.

My ultimate let down was when my brother left. The sad part for me was he hadn't told my Mom that he was going to leave town. She was and still is the only person he was in contact with and she was crushed. I never expected that he would stay away for what I fear is for good. I don't know what is worse...saying goodbye to someone and KNOWING that they won't be back for some time(or for good) or holding onto hope that they might come back and finding, after years, that hoping is pointless. It still hurts, and will always hurt and because of that relationship being broken I haven't connected to anyone like that since, with the exception of Jason, my boyfriend:) Any close friend I have had in this 8 year period has been lost in one way or another. Whether we have simply grown apart or I felt they have betrayed me somehow I don't have much of a problem writing people out of my life...forever. It sounds harsh but people come and go and everyone is there for a reason. It's easier to shut people out and lean on my family than expose how truly vulnerable and sensitive I am. My family and I are very close now. My parents and sister are so very important to me and with Jason in my life I feel very fulfilled as far as my family goes. They are my world:)

That said, I have lived in Eugene for close to two years and truly love this unique city. Jason and I live in a nice apartment in downtown, I finally have a job I enjoy, and for the first time in my entire life I am doing really well in school. I really shouldn't have anything to complain about. But you'd think after two years I would've found some lasting friendships and in some ways I have. I have people here that I know I could count on no matter what but on a daily friendship basis I haven't found many that make an effort or make time to see and be around me. I make an effort with some and not so much with others but you'd think I would've found a connection with SOMEONE by now. It makes me wonder...if I am just one of those people who is meant to be their own friend...

I write, I take photos, I play piano, and mainly, I sit at home and clean. I tend to be shy and don't put myself out there unless I really know a person. I don't mind my own company but it gets, well, lonely. When my emotional needs aren't met I feel conflicted, and lash out at the people that are around me when it's not their fault to begin with. Maybe close friends are simply overrated and my inability to overlook betrayal will always stand in the way of finding that best-friend-no-matter-what. Maybe I need to learn how to better be my own friend rather than focusing on what I don't have. Maybe I need to stop trying...?

A Long Week

It's been a very long week for me. I started my new job on Monday which has been a lot of fun as well as a lot of work. Jason walked me to work, bought me lunch, cleaned the whole apartment, and walked me home! He really made my first day special.

Then things went south...

My computer decided to quit on me. After waiting two days for the disc-to-end-all-problems to arrive from HP my sad laptop formatted my hard drive and still won't work. All my photography, writing, and school work from the last six months is lost forever and I am so very sad...

I haven't felt this sad since my precious journals were destroyed in the back of my car...

On top of that Jason and I were going to miss Country Fair this year due to not being able to find tickets(tickets are almost impossible to find and usually require you to work in order to attend and camp). So while everyone(including my sister and friends) is off having fun at the Oregon Country Fair Jason and I decided to take the opportunity to go home and see his family since he didn't get to see them when we were home last weekend. Then my friend Chelsea calls in a frenzy yesterday blurting out that she has TWO FULL PASSES for 60 dollars to the country fair! Unfortunately we promised the family we would be there and we will...feel special Mom and Dad...feel very special...

To pour salt in the wound Jason's family isn't even going to be home this weekend save for his mom who works all weekend and his little sis.

Man it has not been my day...maybe tomorrow will be my day...

This sad lover lost their way...

Full of doubt and about to pout

Are we really where you want us to be?

It's been so long, so far and hidden

Is this who you want to be?

IF you say yes, I'll silence it now

These feelings filling me with guilt.

IF you say no we'll have it out.

I'll bring her up like I always do

Fighting and screaming til we can't breathe.

I just want you to be happy...

Even if it's not with me

I just get worried...that you could do so much better than me

Little Heart Ring

Protect me

Little heart ring

Keep me safeAs I dream

Keep my secrets

Safe and sound

Steady my pulse

When it starts to pound

You remind me of him

You've bound us as one

For over a year now

With plenty to come

You mean so much to me

Little heart ring

Thank you for being here

To remind me

That my real heart

Belongs to my one and only

An Un-snow Day!

Hello all two people who read this:)

I've been crazy busy with school, work, and getting rid of the holiday mentality.

School is great. It's going to be an even tougher term than the last one but I am so very excited to be moving toward my goal.

Unfortunately my plate has been full with books and stuff for school that unleashing my creativity seems to be impossible. Hopefully I will find a higher paying job soon allowing for more free time:)

On the bright side my Jason got a great new job at a bank. I'm so very happy for him. Today was his first day of training. He looked so handsome in his suit and tie. He was pretty nervous but I have the utmost confidence in him:)

My birthday is this weekend...I'm pretty excited. More excited about having a reason to have my whole family(Mom, Dad, Sharna, Eric, and my beloved) all together and having a great time. They're all so wonderful...

Well I feel like I have rambled on long enough. Hope all is well:)