Local Commercials!!

I can afford seven channels, seven channels of basic, run-of-the-mill television. One of those channels tells me what’s one every other channel that I don’t get. Half of the other channels are local and stop playing shows after a certain ungodly hour of the night. So it’s safe to say that choices are typically slim to none and the “not it” game is always in effect. No one wants to be stuck picking between TV Guide, Everybody Loves Raymond, and the newest reality/celebrity television show(oxymoron?) that less-than-large actors are plugging to make a little extra fame.

I don’t watch much television myself, partially because of the poor choices, and partially because I am a student, employee, girlfriend and part-time house-keeper(of my house). However, when I do watch TV the thing that really gets to me and makes me think things like throwing a remote through our gorgeous TV is local commercials.
First on my list is the short man with bleached hair, a lot of energy, and an oversized ego whom we all know as Mr. Appliance. With commercials of him marrying a refrigerator, rapping about appliances, or flying through the air to rescue a broken washer, I find myself not only shunned away from the idea of buying appliances but completely annoyed by the fact that Mr. Appliance has now taken up permanent residence in my brain. That’s space that I should be saving for college classes, things I will be tested on. The funny thing is while his commercials work(in that they make me remember who he is just because of how irritating I find him), even if I were in the market to buy a new range that is the last place I would go simply because I feel like my head would explode after a few minutes of listening to him. He came into Café Yumm where I worked one time saying things like, “I know, my head is bigger than it is on TV,” and when I handed him #61 he asked for eight more. Please, stop molesting our eyes/ears and make a decent commercial that doesn’t make us all want to take a bunch of Tylonel PM so we don’t have to wake up and ever see another one of your commercials again!

The only thing more frustrating than a guy with too much time, money and energy on his hands is that special lady with the loud voice that we see more often than we ever wanted to, that’s right, I’m talking about the Kiefer Kia Princess. Now side-by-side the Kiefer Kia Princess isn’t necessarily as annoying as Mr. Appliance but the sheer volume that they play her commercials in is enough to make me swear off television for good. Why do we all have to watch your same commercial 80 times a day for six months straight? Couldn’t you at least make a new commercial a little more frequently and not be so completely pompous and in-your-face? I know I wouldn’t deal with the Kiefer Kia Princess if I went there but let’s be honest…who the hell wants a Kia anyway?

Last on my rather short list is a hypocrite by the name of Robert Saks. Sure his tagline is semi-irritating but it’s not nearly as constant as the first two examples. No, what truly frustrates me about Robert Saks is the fact that he boasts about having good prices and friendly service even topping it off with his tagline, “come SEE me!” Yet he is one of the rudest people I have ever had the pleasure of serving. He was another Café Yumm customer and let me tell ya, he was a picky one. He would come in, ask to taste things, order his meal with seven or eight modifications, leave his dishes on the table(you are supposed to bus your own table at Café Yumm) and he never once left a single tip! Never said please, never said thank you, only what he wanted and what he didn't want. Robert Saks we all appreciate that you don’t wear the ridiculous toupee anymore, but I wouldn’t buy a mattress from you if it would make the difference between sleeping on its pillowy softness or on a park bench under a newspaper. That is all!!