Seasonal Depression

Ever heard of seasonal depression? Most Oregonians have, considering Eugene, Oregon gets more inches of rain per year than Seattle, Washington. Oregon also has more serial killers, ghost towns, and breweries per capita than any other state. We are also the only state that has an official state nut. Wanna venture a guess as to what it is?

Anyway, everyone is always so negative about winter. Rainy and snowy days are considered bad and sun is considered good. Well I am going to toss my pitch fork and torch on the ground...that's right. I~LOVE~WINTER.

I know by now you must be in a rage pacing your living space and wondering what's wrong with me but hear me out. Fall/Winter aren't that bad.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things(about Winter):

~Cold days vs Hott Days
No matter how many layers you have on, you can always add more. When it's hott you can only get so naked and still be miserable. I don't ever get headaches, heat stress, and sweat spots from standing in the cold in a comfy jacket. To top it off, landlords are required to provide a safe living environment that includes heat(at the cost of electricity), NOT air-conditioners.

~Food
I think our ancestors created so many WINTER holidays because it made more sense stuff our faces in the winter when we are covered up by all those clothes. As soon as the leaves start to change I know I will be enjoying some of my favorite seasonal foods including: pumpkin pie(and latte), stuffing, fruit salad, cider, hot chocolate and vodka, SOUP, blackberry pie, and my personal favorite, Peppermint White Chocolate Mochas mmMMmm.

~Holidays
While were on the subject I'll just bring up holidays! Not to mention our enormous winter break(December). Holidays are one of the few times I get to be home with my family and Jason's family for a whole week. It's the time of year I reunite with old friends and distant family. I will forever associate Christmas with being reunited with my brother and having a full family again. The memories stay with me for the whole year.

~School
Here's where it get's a little weird. I like school. I miss being a busy, studying, hurried, stressed out mess but really I love learning. I love pouring over books and hot tea in a coffeehouse as it pours down rain. I love advancing my life and am so lucky for the opportunity to do that.

~Rain
Rain is one of the best sounds in the world. When I wake up to rain I tend to be in a better mood and stay in a better mood all day. Rain can lull me to sleep. One of my favorite things to do on a day to myself is curl up in a blanket, make tea, and read while it pours outside. It's incredibly soothing. I enjoy sun every once in awhile but I actually get depressed when it's sunny for too long. I know, weird.

~Miscellaneous
Finally, everything I left out: Hats, tea, snow days, rain~boots, football, umbrellas, hot baths, scarves, my birthday, changing leaves, and knee-high socks.

Whew! I feel a little better, hopefully it's enough to last me through the rest of summer...

Here are some of my favorite Fall/Winter shots:)














To see more photographs and writing head on over to 2sadeyes.deviantart.com
~©2009 Kylie Marie Keppler. All rights are reserved.~

A Stranger Told Me Everything Would Be Okay

I’ve woken up in bright colors
Opened my arms, wide, to this day
Counting the blues, greens, and reds
Accepting of every twig on every branch
Dismissing of life’s treachery
Both in my head and in each friend
My heart is mine to give and shelter
My trust is mine to look after
This life is a gift to say the least
Refusing to waste, instead I’ll feast
And know that humans will always deceive
And I must choose to live or leave
A gift that has been given to me
I’ll refuse to dwell on life and loss
Refuse to guess what might come next
Embracing opportunity and bringing fortune
To those sad faces around me
This is my calling, this is my destiny

~Kylie Keppler
In dedication to Ronnie, Daylon Harrington, and all others who squeeze every last drop from every last day...

Goodbye to You

He was one of the closest things I had to a grandfather.

Always showing up on my birthday with a card and a hug.

My folks used to help him out, in his old age, just as they did for my great grandmother. In return, Ronnie would come to my parents' business every week and bring my mother a treat. Whether it be ice cream bars in the summer, or chocolate oranges around X-Mas he was there every Tuesday like clockwork.

He lost it a little as he gained age, but just a little. He still remembered most things about me and would occasionally forget what day it was but who didn't?

Ronnie's family wasn't always there and available. He spent most holidays with us and eventually became one of the family. Distant relatives that rarely saw us even knew who Ronnie was. Just another branch on the family tree.

Dad told me that he didn't suffer. He was old. At 86 he still lived on his own and drove on his own. He hated being in the hospital and hated being sick so on some levels I am happy that he went as he did. Sadly the tears will not stop falling. I must have a good cry for anyone important who comes to pass. Soon we will look at the photos and memories fondly and cherish the life that has now moved on.

Life Has It's Ups and Downs

"All of us who labor in the arts know that it can be a lonely existence. We often find ourselves living a life of solitary dreams, disconnected from others, and driven by a vision that no one else seems to value or share. On some days, this can become overwhelming. We then thirst for a single voice of understanding that will reach into our solitary lives and reassure us that the path we have chosen is worthy, and the rewards it offers are worth the loneliness it entails."
~Kent Nerburn
Bemidji, Minnesota
January 2000

Been having a rough time lately. My 18-55mm camera lens got hurt at the coast so I had to send that off to Irvine to be fixed today. They will charge me because there is sand in it which means the consumer is at fault.

The last few weeks have brought a bout of health problems for me that I haven't experienced since working at the animal shelter. A weak immune system and germ-filled environment had a lot to do with my problems back then but I can't seem to find the cause of my new issues. Constant stomach pain and headaches plague my days along with a nasty cold that I'm still getting over. I think much of it has to do with stress but I'm also worried that something more serious may be wrong with me. Unfortunately the health problem as well as the stress problem are somewhat personal and leaves me with little options of people to talk to about it.

On top of that I have lost so many girlfriends this year. I still have my guy who is one of my best friends along with our other best friend but both are boys and have interests that tend to differ from mine. I need a girl/woman that I can trust with my secrets but so many have shown me they are unworthy. For now it will all have to stay inside.

I have been trying to stay busy, with photos and writing my book. It's been rough, this summer. Financially, occupationally, socially, and physically but in the end we humans always pull through. More than anything I wish I had time for a dog. To come home from a crappy day and be greeted by a big happy face that wants nothing but to be by your side, a dog to hold your secrets and put a smile on your face, a dog to protect you and devout everything to you. That is what I want and need.









To see more of my photos please look at my art website at 2sadeyes.deviantart.com

Purpose

I am so...eager may be the right word.
Or possibly determined. Yeah determined,
I like that.
Aching, itching, anxious, and flighty
may also work.

I want to take photos, to write write write.
I want to have a job that matters.
A job where I can help animals or where I can
help people better their lives while improving
my own.

I want to have purpose, security, and stimulation.

Mainly I want to do something different.
And yet I feel for every person stuck at
every desk in every meaningless job there is
another trying to do the exact same thing as me.

Which makes me wonder if I'll ever succeed.

Three Year Anniversary

For my entire life I have had two parents that put a lot of work into their marriage and received quite a bit out of it. When they emptied their nest and released me, their last baby, into the world they continued to love one another unconditionally. They are the only two people I have ever met that can live together, work together, and still wholeheartedly love each other and put the other one first. This isn’t to say they are the ONLY ones, just the only ones I have personally known.

.. ..

Due to this wonderful relationship that has been displayed for me I have always looked for that one person that could complete my life in the same way. Every time I dated someone, if I knew it wasn’t there I would quickly end it and continue searching for the boy I hadn’t met yet.

.. ..



Then in July 2006 my best friend, Kayleen, and I were at Starbucks in Medford, Oregon enjoying the summer air. Jason, a boy from the mill Kayleen and I worked at, was inside with his friend Hugh and he accidently locked eyes with Kayleen, who knew him. Hugh urged Jason to go out and talk to her because, well, Kayleen is freakin gorgeous. Kayleen introduced us but Jason couldn’t remember her name so he kept trying to make a quick get-a-way. I finally told them to sit their asses down and talk for awhile. They were going to see Pirates of the Caribbean(the second one) that evening. I have to admit I don’t speak much when I meet new people but the main reason I didn’t talk much that night was because I was a little shy and Jason was making me laugh so much. I could hardly breathe! Kayleen and I talked about him over the next week. I told her I had a little crush on him but I kept calling him David for some reason.

.. ..

Later that week I found him on Myspace, and found out he was a huge AFI fan. In fact, they are his favorite band. I asked him to burn me their new album. He didJ Then we began talking online and decided to meet up at Starbucks again and quickly became friends. On August 4th, 2006 we bought our tickets for an AFI show and kissed for the first time. We hid our relationship at work and would meet afterwards. It was our little secret and so fun:) We could spend hours upon hours just talking. I had never felt so important.

.. ..




Before we knew it, it was time for me to leave Corvallis and not long after he would be moving to Eugene. Our summer of love would be cut short. The last night I was in Medford he called me, and told me to go to our Starbucks, order my favorite drink, and then call him. I went up to the counter and ordered a Green Tea Frappacino. The girl at the counter asked me if my name was “Haley.” “No,” I replied, “my name is Kylie.”

.. ..
“We have something for you,” she said before disappearing behind the counter. She reappeared with a huge bouquet of Casablanca lilies(my favorite) and a note along with ten dollars to pay for my drink. I still have the note but I don’t even have to look at it to tell you what it said.

.. ..

“Kylie, did you really think I would end this at Starbucks? Puh-lease! Grab your flowers and drink, and bring your cute little butt over to Bear Creek Park. Call me when you get here.”

.. ..


I quickly and safely rushed over to Bear Creek Park where Jason was waiting with his bass, another bouquet of lilies, a CD he had made for me, a song he wrote, and a picnic. It was by far the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. We laid in the grass, ate yummy food, and talked til the sky turned purple, and eventually dark blue. At 10PM we heard a weird noise and before we knew it the sprinklers were kicking on and showering us in water. It was like a dream.

.. ..

We weren’t ready to say goodbye yet so we drove around until it was late. He kissed me good night and got out of the car.

.. ..


Three years later and here we are. Even as I’m writing this I am looking around our apartment. We used to have things that were mine and things that were his but now so much of it is “ours.” We have worked so hard to build ourselves a life and I couldn’t be more proud of us. This isn’t to say it’s easy. No no no no. Someone eventually screws up, you take things out on one another, etc. Luckily in our relationship Jason can ALWAYS tell when something is bothering me so I am forced to give it up against my better judgment. Communication and letting the small stuff go has been the key to making this work as well as it has for this long. He is my best friend, I can tell him anything, he has made me feel so very important and has always been there for me. Jason I love you! And can’t wait to see what our future holds.

.. ..

“Love is” By Kylie Keppler

December 17, 2007

.. ..

Love is...
Patience, passion, and trust
Sweet kisses with a little lust
Jealousy is a guarantee
Sadness will wear on me

Love is...
Impossible to count on
Difficult to find
True love is rare love
And requires precious time

Love is...
Beautifully spontaneous
All at once, overwhelming
You'll question it's purpose
And eventual belonging

Love is...
Saddened by the day
And doesn't like to be bound
If it's lied to
It won't stick around

Love is...
Invisible
Powerful
And exists...
Only as the soft glow between two,
Me and you
It's always a day late,
Thanks to fate
But given the opportunity
It's so worth the wait

.. ..

“My Winter Nights” By Kylie Keppler

March 11, 2008

.. ..

My winter nights are long and restless
Til you find me, scoop me in your arms
My heart will blush, my blood will rush
As the moon dips behind deep rain clouds

Touch my cheek with one sad tone
I crave an emotion to call my own
I don't want to control, or be controlled
Your trust is worth so much more

Plant sweet kisses along my skin
This place, this time and space
Is the scene I look forward to most
Painted so beautifully on quiet, night canvas

Long, thin legs curl around blankets
A simple touch can say so much
For once, I feel I can remain silent
And simply embrace us, in dark, blue rays

Thank you babe, for being there
To kiss my fingers, neck and hair
Thank you for your gentle reassurance
I'll do my best to show how much I truly care

.. ..

“A Girl’s Heart Is Mended” By Kylie Keppler

February 15, 2009

.. ..

Staring at a lonely writers desk
Pondering a way to ease my rest
My heart is pumping at it's best
Nothing mattered before 2006

Before we met my soul would scream
My sad poems took up a whole ream
This life was worthless, it did seem
Nothing mattered before 2006

Bad memories filled this head to rim
The spark in life began to dim
Aching touched every last limb
Nothing mattered before 2006

Now our love fills each dusty room
I hope one day to call you my groom
Time is irrelevant whether later or soon
Nothing mattered before 2006